I want a hug
Not any hug
Not a real hug either
I know you think you know where this is going
Like an honest embrace is one where you don’t twist
Your head awkwardly away or keep a distance at the hips
It’s one where you really give in to the affinity you have for the other person
Or the overall urge you have to hug someone right now
And not hide anything or hold anything back
Well guess what
None of that earthly shit is what I’m talking about.
I want a hug. One hug. The hug.
Meaning that I want one and then no more. One forever.
Not as a symbol for anything either. Not as a diversion or as a chance to really be social or honest to myself.
I don’t want to be myself
I want to vanish.
Vanish inside another person. Flop onto them like glue and never leave them again.
They can fight it. It won’t be of any help.
I can’t leave them alone cause I’m already gone.
I’m nothing but an intense hug, the most intense you can’t imagine, but the simplest ever, and then I’m gone.
Just an uneasy feeling on their skin like they’ve been traversed by a ghost.
The worst part is
I know it’s not real
Don’t get me wrong, I know the perks of a good story and a solid imagination. I can hold a thought in my head and enjoy it, knowing full well it’s nothing more than that.
But when I think of the hug, the sheer amount of pain that I imagine would leave me and channel through me at once when I dissolve
Is too much to take.
I can’t think of it. My back begins to ache under the weight of the thought and I know I can’t think it.
I can’t imagine it
And yet
I want a hug
